The morning has become my favorite part of the day; sometimes I’ll have the urge to wake up even though my body tells me otherwise. Sleep is a little boring when I think about the things I want to paint and the books I want to finish. However I’m starting to feel the effects of not sleeping enough, so I’m going to force myself to stay in bed for an extra hour or so..
I’ve been pretty wonderful overall. It’s not that I have all the things I’ve ever wanted, but everything in my life up to this point has happened exactly as it should have. Regret is gradually slipping away. If given the chance, I’m not sure if I would take back anything. I’m still young, so who knows. Still, I firmly believe all aspects of my life have value and can be used to create something good, to make my dreams possible. I wish I could explain this better because I honestly haven’t felt this great in a long, long time. And I wouldn’t say I’ve actually changed or anything. I’m most definitely the same person. Then why do I feel better? I wish I could fit this into words.. writing is not my talent. I don’t think I can come up with a way to talk about regaining my hope and faith without sounding corny!
Spending my days painting and reading makes me happy. Started The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle recently and I’m also in the middle of a Frida Kahlo biography. Reading really helps to keep my mind off those negative thinking patterns. Isn’t that lovely? Thank goodness for the library! I’m also working on my second submission for the book cover contest. Even if my design doesn’t get chosen, I’m glad I’m making more of an effort to ignore my insecurities and put myself out there. Besides, being inspired (even with a little sleep-deprivation) and making art - that itself is a great feeling.
The other day I talked to my friend from Vegas, turns out she’s doing really well. Going on adventures, feeling loved, loving others, making big changes - I’m proud of her and excited to see where her life heads. We haven’t known each other for that long; I met her last summer (not even a year!) in treatment - but we’ve shared a lot together despite the short amount of time and living in different cities.
Ups, downs, instability and growing friendships..
Oh and I tried macarons for the first time this past week! My sister brought them home in a beautiful lavender box. The vanilla tasted perfect, much much better than I expected. I also had an Earl Grey macaron at Trisha’s house, which for some reason tasted like Fruit Loops (in a good way.)
Posted 1 year ago with ❤ 0 notes